The World According to Humphrey by Betty G. Birney

Author:Betty G. Birney [Birney, Betty G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin USA, Inc.
Published: 2011-06-17T04:52:30+00:00

Guide to the Care and Feeding of Hamsters, Dr. Harvey H. Hammer

9

The Art of Self-Defense

Okay, I was having a great week, no doubt about it. Not only did I get the blue ribbon on Wednesday, but on Thursday the class got a long letter from Ms. Mac. She included a picture of her standing by a waterfall next to some very strange-looking creatures. They looked like hairy pigs or racoony dogs.

“These are coatis,” Mrs. Brisbane said, reading from the letter. “Pronounced ko-ahh-tees.”

The coatis looked weird. Ms. Mac looked gorgeous, especially with all the red, yellow and orange flowers surrounding her.

How I wished I could be there with her! Except maybe for the fact that those coatis might not be hamster-friendly.

At the end of her letter, Ms. Mac wrote, “So farewell to all my wonderful friends in Room 26, especially the small one with the big heart: Humphrey.”

SIGH-SIGH-SIGH.

Though the thought of Ms. Mac made me happy, the weekend was coming up soon and I always felt a little nervous about where I’d be spending it.

When it was decided on Thursday that I was going home with Golden-Miranda—I mean Miranda Golden—I was so excited, I only got an 83% on my vocabulary test. (Sayeh got 100%. I know, because this time when Mrs. Brisbane asked who got 100%, she raised her hand.)

I always figured that Miranda lived in a castle, because she reminded me of a fairy-tale princess in disguise. Wherever it was, it had to be wonderful if Miranda lived there.

Well, Miranda’s home wasn’t exactly a castle, but it was very tall. Miranda lived in a fourth-floor apartment with her mom and her big dog, Clem. We had to take an elevator to get there.

The apartment was nice. The mom was nice. Clem was not nice.

Let me explain. Miranda has a small bedroom and her mom let me stay there, right on the desk. To welcome me, the two of them did a complete cleanout of my cage. “I’ll bet nobody’s done this for a while,” said Miranda’s mom, and she was right. Pretty soon, I felt like a brand-new hamster!

Suddenly, Clem bounded into the room, a big mass of yellow fur poking his huge nose right up against my cage. His wet nostrils were like two eyes staring in at me and he stuck out a giant tongue that came at me like a tidal wave. Luckily, the cage protected me.

“Mom!” Miranda yelled. “Please get Clem out of here!”

Thank heavens Mom took Clem out for a walk in the park while Miranda showed me her room. She held pictures of her friends and family up to the cage so I could see. Her dad. Her stepmom. Her grandparents in Florida.

Next, she introduced me to her goldfish, Fanny. She wasn’t much of a conversationalist. I squeaked, “Nice to meet you, Fanny,” and she said, “Blub.”

I was thinking about how wonderful it would be to live with Miranda all the time when Clem returned from the park and galloped into the room.

“Clem, stay out!” Miranda shouted.

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